Distortion
by Macx
Summary: sequel to Balance. There is a reason why Krad is what he is, why he behaves as he does. Satoshi is about to find out -- like all ther others, too. PLEASE read the disclaimer! --Complete!--
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: Distortion   
sequel to Balance 

AUTHOR: Macx and Lara Bee 

DISCLAIMER: Not ours. Darn it! 

Author's Voice of Warning (aka Author's Note):   
English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize g> The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how trustworthy those thingies are..... 

ARCHIVE: yes 

WARNINGS: none 

TYPE: yaoi 

RATING: **R, for FFNet specifically**   
**All NC-17 has been cut out. For the full version, follow my website link on my profile page**

PAIRING: Daisuke/Satoshi 

FEEDBACK: empty inbox seeks emails g>   
  


It was a perfect day. It was sunny, warm without being too hot, they had a whole day with nothing planned ahead of them, and another day like it tomorrow. Hikari Satoshi whistled to himself as he checked for mail, taking two letters out of the mailbox – one for him, one for Daisuke – and went back into the kitchen. Balancing two refilled mugs of coffee, special blend, and the letters, he returned to the bedroom where his lover was stretched out on the bed, a mouth-watering sight to behold. Satoshi leaned against the door jamb and just looked. He liked watching. A lot.   
Daisuke had his eyes closed, enjoying the sun coming through the open sliding doors that led onto a vast balcony, his sun-tanned skin in contrast to the white sheets, the tousled hair falling into his face. Even today Satoshi wondered how he could have been so lucky to be with this man, to be his friend and lover, to be alive. He owed so much to Daisuke that he could never repay. He loved him without reservation, found joy in the simple beauty of this man. Daisuke was his life.   
Placing the two mugs on the nightstand, he sat down on the mattress, leaned over, and kissed his lover. The reply was instantaneous as a quick tongue met his, greeting him in kind.   
"You've got mail," Satoshi whispered, waving the envelope.   
"Hmpf. Advertisements?"   
"Nope. Looks official."   
Daisuke looked at the letter and frowned briefly when he read the sender.   
"What is it, Dai?" Satoshi asked, snuggling closer.   
He loved lazy mornings, breakfast in bed, and… well, whatever it might lead to.   
"It's a letter from my old prof. Strange. Why would he write to me?"   
"Only one way to find out," Satoshi murmured, placing a small kiss on his lover's neck as he passed him the letter opener.   
He couldn't help the sudden jolt of dread that rushed through his body, though, only suppress the shudder it caused. Somebody walked over my grave, he thought, watching as Daisuke slid open the envelope and started to read. A broad smile lit up his face, and Satoshi breathed a sigh of relieve.   
"Wow, this is cool."   
"What does he want?"   
"Yamamoto-sensei was my art history professor. Believe it or not, but he has arranged a practical training for me at the National Museum of Prague for two months. I can't believe it, this is so cool."   
"But this museum is in the Czech Republic, isn't it?"   
The dread returned.   
Large brown eyes looked at him with a glimpse of confusion, then understanding set in. Daisuke put the letter down.   
"Yeah, you're right. It's too far away. I'd have to leave you alone the entire time. I'll refuse."   
Satoshi could hear the hesitation, though his lover made every effort to hide it. Daisuke wanted this. Moreover, Daisuke needed this; it could mean the difference between a well-paid job and living on the street in the future. Satoshi might be wealthy, but Daisuke had his pride. He had refused taking money from his lover, working part-time jobs to support himself throughout the university, and he still had a long way to go to reach a level where he could safely say he could choose his jobs. Right now he was a freshly graduated student, he needed the practical experience, and the National Museum was renowned.   
Satoshi swallowed once, letting his hand wander down the firm body, closely followed by his lips.   
"Take it."   
"Sato… " Daisuke moaned.   
"Take it. I'll manage. I've done so before, and it's only two months."   
And then the distraction worked, the letter gliding onto the floor, forgotten, as Daisuke opened up under him. 

Emiko was delighted about the offer and immediately made preparations for her son to fly to Europe. Daisuke spoke of nothing else and Satoshi tried not to let his unease show.   
Two months without Daisuke. Two months only with himself and… the demon. Two months of… loneliness.   
He didn't know what that word meant anymore. The last years had been a constant of companionship, friendship… and finally love. A love that ran so deep, he wondered if it was even real. Now he'd have to fend alone for two months. Not such a big deal, actually. Other couples lived apart now and then, too.   
He could do this.   
He could.   
Looking at the bed they had shared just a few hours earlier Satoshi bit his lower lip.   
"Who am I trying to fool?" he whispered and turned on his heels, walking out of the bedroom. It felt cold already.   
There was still Daisuke's family who had welcomed him into their fold after the whole battle had been over, after peace had settled, and who hadn't tried to convince Daisuke that loving a Hikari was wrong. But Emiko, Kosuke and Daikii couldn't make up for the solid body in his arms, the very presence of Daisuke with him.   
"Shit, I'm losing it," he muttered to himself. "It's just.. two months."   
And the moments they had left were getting less… So many preparations, so many little things. Daisuke had already packed some stuff, had made big plans on what to do and what to see, and he had more than once invited Satoshi to come along.   
He had declined. He had a job here. He didn't fit into Daisuke's life in Prague. His lover was supposed to study and shape his career, not walk around the city and have a fun time with his lover.   
No, it was better this way. For Daisuke.   
Satoshi would just have to learn to cope.   
Two months.   
Sixty-one days.   
Too many hours. Too much time alone... with Krad.   



	2. part 2

The time until Daisuke was supposed to start his practical training seemed to simply fly away, and far too soon Satoshi watched his lover pack his case. Somehow his stomach turned into a cold hard knot, radiating fear.   
Damn, he wasn't a boy anymore, he was an adult, he cursed himself inwardly. Well, he had been an adult since he was ten, a little voice inside of him whispered, and Satoshi winced.   
He didn't depend on Daisuke.   
He didn't…   
Warm arms wrapped around him, pulling him close to the other man's body, holding him, as if Daisuke had sensed his discomfort. Maybe he really had… Satoshi couldn't care less, returning the hug, reveling in the feeling of his lover's warmth and tenderness, of the soothing way his hand was running over his back.   
Satoshi looked up, blue eyes met brown ones, and Daisuke pulled him even closer, brushing their lips together.   
"I could still cancel… "   
"Don't you dare even think of it, Niwa Daisuke! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you wont let it pass, understood?!"   
"Yes, sir," Daisuke smiled, playfully nipping at his lower lip. "I'll be in touch, Sato. I'll call you every day, promised."   
"I get along, don't worry, Dai. I've managed before."   
That earned him a long thoughtful look, but Satoshi refused to fall for the bait.   
"Let's go or you'll be late," he called, picking up one suitcase.   
Daisuke nodded, hurrying after him. His parents would drive them to the airport. 

They parted at the airport without much fuss. Daisuke looked out of the window of the plane as they departed, the airport growing smaller and smaller beneath him.   
'I get along, don't worry, Dai. I've managed before.'   
I know, Sato, he thought. And that's what worries me.   
_You aren't kids anymore, Dai,_ the soft voice of the kaitou whispered.   
_Satoshi never was a kid, Dark. He has a problem with Krad's return. I… I fear for him._   
_ It's two months, eight weeks, Dai. Have faith in your partner._   
_ I have faith in him. But when it comes to Krad, he's … too vulnerable. _   
There was a soft sigh from the entity inside him. _He won't hurt him_   
How could Dark be so sure? And even if Krad behaved, what of Satoshi? Daisuke had never known the full extent of his lover's torment until they had grown to be closer friends, until the other boy had told him. Haltingly, slowly, over time, he had revealed his fears and nightmares, his life. Daisuke had been shocked, had listened in horror to the stories of trying to starve his body so the demon he carried inside wouldn't grow to be too strong. How Satoshi had held Krad back by sheer mind-power, by his will alone, and how he had gone through the transformation pains that had left him weak and breathless each time.   
Daisuke had always wondered why Hiwatari Satoshi was so thin, so pale; then he had found out. He had been trained to catch Dark, his body had been stronger than the average fourteen year-old, but he had done everything to keep that power from Krad. He had failed in the end and he had paid.   
_You don't know him like I do, Dark,_ he murmured. _You don't know how hard it was for him_   
_I can imagine, Daisuke. Still…_   
Daisuke shook his head. _Let's not go into this, okay? I'm flying to Prague to study at the National Museum for two months!_   
Dark sent a grin. _I hear the nights are nice and they have a lot of interesting art collections_   
Daisuke felt himself grin. _We're not going to steal anything!_   
_Awwww…._

Satoshi held out three weeks before he started to fall apart. He hadn't exactly felt Krad's presence inside of him but the sheer knowledge was enough. Hikari Satoshi returned to the only behavior he knew from the past, from his Hiwatari past, the only behavior that meant even a bit safety – he started to self-destruct. Appetite was a foreign word for him since Daisuke had left, and it started to show. His blood-pressure went down in reaction, and most of the time Satoshi felt dizzy or even nauseous with occasional stomach cramps.   
Nights were an utterly different matter – if exhaustion took over and Satoshi managed to slip into sleep it would be an uneasy one, making him gasp when he woke up from dreams or toss and turn restlessly. In one word – he was becoming a mess.   
Daisuke called every day at the same time, so that was something solid, too, but Satoshi found it more and more difficult to pretend he was all right at his lover's worried questions. All he wanted was to cry into the phone, beg his lover to come back, to hold him and tell him everything would be all right, but he never did.   
Krad didn't make an appearance, nor did he speak to Satoshi, though the young man could feel him move in the background. He pushed the demon away.   
He didn't want to hear him. He didn't want to see him. He didn't want… him!   
His visits to the Niwas were cut short. He claimed a load of work, though that was only partially true. He had inherited his parents' money, now that his stepfather had died, his mother being dead already, and he had put it to good use. There had been a lot of money; a lot. The Hikari came from a wealthy background. Now that money worked for him and he worked on the same project as the Niwas – finding dangerous art work, sealing it, removing it from the public until it was safe.   
Still, even work only distracted him so much. Satoshi had too much time to think. He knew he wasn't doing himself any favors, starving himself, weakening his body and with it his mind. But he hung on, he did what he had done as a child.   
After five weeks he had become a wreck and he didn't leave the apartment any more. He did what little he could by electronic means and had even more time on his hands to think.   
Daisuke was gone. His only place of warmth and life. What he had been left with was the cold, ruthless creature inside him, just waiting to break free.   
Krad would strike soon.   
He knew it.   
He just did…   
Satoshi shivered though he knew it wasn't cold. Yet he felt cold, utterly cold. A part of his mind realized that this was mostly because the lack of food and sleep, but yet Satoshi thought the cause in his lover's absence – and his Nemesis' presence. Curling deeper into the blanket didn't bring any warmth, and closing his eyes didn't bring any rest. Slowly he slid into a restless slumber. 

Satoshi woke up with a suppressed yell, reaching out to the other side of the bed only to find it empty and cold. Realization set in, ruthless and cruel – he was alone, alone with the demon in his head whose existence he abhorred. He couldn't help the hot tears that sprung from his eyes.   
Oh Daisuke, please come back …   
Swaying into the bathroom Satoshi intended to slap some cold water into his face. He almost made it. Glancing into the mirror he saw his own face reflected but when he needed to blink some water out of his eyes the image blurred. Malicious golden eyes stared back at him, an angelic face with a cruel smirk…   
'You're mine. You're my everything.'   
"No! NO!"   
Satoshi threw back his arms and slammed his fists into the mirror several times, sending it flying in shards. Skin broke open under the assault as sharp bits and pieces bit into the soft flesh. Satoshi stumbled away from the partially broken mirror, wide eyes staring at the spider-web of breaks forming in those areas that hadn't crumbled down. Then his eyes fell on his hands.   
Blood was dripping down onto the floor. Red droplets stained the formerly clean tiles, soaking into the small carpet. He blinked, held up his hands, and gazed at the cuts with an almost morbid fascination.   
It didn't hurt.   
There was just a mess of red, intermingling with silvery shards. Light reflected off the broken pieces, making them sparkle. Everywhere around him the sparkles caught his eyes. More blood flowed from the wounds and Satoshi picked at the shards, amazed that he felt no pain. Actually, he felt like he was floating... in a dream... not really here.   
Blue, dazed eyes rose and met his mirror image. It was wavering, as if he was looking through a haze, and to his rising amazement he saw tears slide down the pale cheeks of the mirror image.   
Until the face suddenly changed, became different, with long, blond hair and feline, golden eyes. Cold and unfeeling, possessive and cruel. Beautiful, ethereal, so angelic... and so evil, so demonic, so destructive.   
'Mine,' a voice whispered, echoing in the small bathroom. 'No one will ever have you but me.'   
No! he protested. No, no, no.... NO!   
His fingers closed around a shard that had fallen into the sink, the sharp edges digging into the already abused and raw flesh, but the pain was distant, almost not his own.   
Not yours, he whispered without moving his lips. Never yours. I don't belong to you. I never will!   
"Never!" he hissed.   
And he raised the shard to his throat.   



	3. part 3

Krad had jolted in alarm the moment Satoshi's fists had collided with the mirror, cutting himself so mercilessly and apparently without the intent to stop. In growing horror he watched his host stare at himself in the mirror, his mind strangely blank except for the rising desperation.   
And then he reached for the broken piece of mirror glass, intent to cut his throat.   
Krad surged forward, snatching control of the human host and stopping the self-destructive, the suicidal move.   
_--NO!--_ he commanded, seizing that hand and guiding it away from the vulnerable throat.   
Satoshi gave a sob of fear and desperation, fighting him, his mind flailing at him.   
_--No--_ he breathed. _--No, Satoshi, please don't. No…--_   
His host moaned softly, striking out weakly, barely strong enough to even scratch the surface of Krad's mind. The demon caught the strike and let it dissolve.   
-_-No. Don't, Satoshi. Please...--_   
Satoshi crumbled onto the ground, breath hitching briefly, then sliding off into unconsciousness. Krad sat back for a moment, torn between two possibilities and taking the hopefully best one.   
He separated himself from his human host as he had done just once before, even if not by choice. He would have no chance to help Satoshi by taking over his form. The damage to the body was too extensive and even a brief take-over would have no effects. So he knelt down next to the young man and took in the damage, the bleeding palms and knuckles, the smear of blood against his throat.   
"Oh, Satoshi..." he whispered sadly.   
Cradling the tall but way too light form against him, Krad walked into the bedroom and carefully lay down the young man. He proceeded to thoroughly clean the cut hands of the glass and blood, then bandaged them lightly. He did the same for the cut on the throat, which was long, but shallow. Krad knew about the first aid procedures from his host, who had a license. It was so easy to access memories if he wanted to and this time he was glad he had done so. Finally Krad removed the bloody shirt and drew a blanket over Satoshi who hadn't woken throughout the procedure.   
The demon looked down at his host, the very soul he was bound to, and a sad smile creased his lips. He was the reason for the self-destructive behavior. He had driven Satoshi to such extremes because deep down inside that grown-up body, the child still feared him. He had left scars on his psyche.   
"I never wanted that," he murmured and brushed back long strands of light brown hair. "I only wanted you to be mine. You were all I could have, all the warmth I could ever find…"   
And he had lost it. He had lost Satoshi and everything associated with that perception of freedom.   
"I'll protect you. You're mine," he murmured, never stopping his caress. "And you're everything to Daisuke…"   
It was the first time he admitted to himself that he shared Satoshi, but Daisuke was no rival. He loved this young man in a different way, held a different part of him inside his soul.   
"I won't let you hurt yourself. I need you. Daisuke needs you."   
They each needed Satoshi whole and healthy and complete… and Krad would do everything in his powers to fulfill his promise. 

His host slept for the next twelve hours and Krad did little more than sit in a chair, watch the rise and fall of Satoshi's chest. He watched him move in his sleep, murmur now and then, then slide off into deeper sleep once more. When the phone rang it almost gave him a heart attack, though he lacked that particular organ. He was a magical being.   
Looking down at the phone, he finally picked it up.   
"Satoshi?"   
It was Daisuke. Across miles and miles of oceans and continents. Of course, it was the usual time they talked to each other and Satoshi had already missed one call. Niwa was probably worried and duly so, but Krad was reluctant to talk about the extent of the events.   
"No," he simply answered.   
There was a moment of silence. Then, "Krad?!"   
"Yes." He smirked a little, letting that smirk drip into his voice. "Hello, Niwa."   
"What happened to Satoshi? Where is he?" the young man demanded. "What have you done to him?!"   
What have I done? I exist, Niwa. That simple. It takes nothing more than that.   
"There was an accident. He's currently asleep. I think it would be best if you returned, Niwa."   
Another silence. "What fuck happened, Krad?" Daisuke whispered.   
"As I said, there was an accident. He needs you."   
Daisuke inhaled shakily. "I'll get the next flight I can get," he finally said. "Just…"   
"I'll take care of him," Krad promised. It was an easily given promise because he would.   
"My parents…"   
"Haven't been informed. I think their reaction would be… less than kind and the damage would be even worse."   
Another shaky breath of air. "Is he in a hospital?"   
"No, I took care of the injuries. It's not the physical wounds that are worrying either, Niwa."   
Daisuke understood the implications, sighing. It was more like a moan anyway.   
"Okay… okay…" he murmured. "Lemme talk to Yamamato-sensei…"   
"Just hurry," Krad said, voice softening but still urgent.   
"I will."   
With that he hung up. Krad gazed at the receiver, then placed it gently back into the cradle. His eyes strayed to the direction of the bedroom and he was on his way to his host before he could even think the thought. 

Satoshi woke to a blinding headache, nausea, and the feeling that someone was trying to split him apart. He was cold, dizzy, and everything was so absolutely miserable.   
Lying in his bed, he wondered when he had made it here. Faint stings from his hands and throat made him lift one hand and he stared at the white bandages.   
What…?   
And then he remembered.   
He touched his throat where a band-aid covered the cut, then studied the bandages again. He surely hadn't done that himself. Satoshi only recalled smashing the mirror, taking the glass shards and…   
He swallowed.   
There had been the brief pain, the wish to end it all, then the all-encompassing tear of another being taking him over. Krad… Krad had… He had?   
Satoshi managed to sit up, though dizziness immediately assailed him. He closed his eyes, swallowing frantically, riding out the nausea. When he finally opened his eyes, they fell on a thermos and a mug. There was no note, nothing. Just the hot liquid for him to drink and when shaking fingers opened the thermos, he smelled instant soup.   
What…?   
He turned to the entity inside him but found no trace of Krad in his consciousness.   
He was gone. 

It took him over an hour to make it out of bed, walk into the bathroom, follow the call of nature, wash up a little, though it was painful with his cut hands, and finally dress. By the time he was done, he was dead on his feet once more and simply collapsed, fully clothed, onto the bed.   
Satoshi drifted off into a doze and woke again three hours later, feeling marginally better. There was a lingering dream, someone gently caressing him, running tender fingers through his hair and over his skin, whispering softly. He pushed that dream aside and attempted to leave the bedroom again.   
He made it to the living room where he found no traces of the prior mess. Everything was neat and clean, though not sterile. It just appeared to be orderly once more. Confused, he looked around and froze as he discovered the tall, white-clad figure in the doorway to the kitchen.   
All blood left Satoshi's face and he froze. "You," he whispered.   
"I see you're up," Krad said levelly.   
"You did it… you… took over," Hikari managed, leaning against the wall, unconsciously wrapping his arms around his stomach. There was a painful tightness there and the need to vomit.   
"Of course."   
"Why did you stop me?" Satoshi demanded.   
"You were about to hurt yourself."   
"So why should you care, hm? You never did before!"   
Krad approached him and Satoshi almost physically sank back further against the wall, his heart hammering in his chest. He was too weak, too confused, to face this creature here and now. He couldn't… he had no defenses left.   
"I care for you," Krad repeated what he had said so many times before. "You're mine, Hikari Satoshi."   
"I'll never belong to you!"   
Krad's golden eyes filled with an unreadable emotion. "But you already do. We are one and the same."   
"No! I'm not you!"   
"Then why did you try to hurt yourself?"   
Satoshi's breathing hitched. Golden eyes looking at him from within the mirror, from within him. He screwed his eyes shut, trembling.   
"I'm not like you," he murmured.   
Fingers under his chin lifted his eyes to look into the golden cat-like orbs. The touch was oh so gentle, but still firm. "You are my host. I protect you, even from yourself, Satoshi."   
Tears gathered in his eyes, his defenses down, his mind crying for relief. He couldn't take this, he just couldn't!   
"Your body needs nourishment," Krad suddenly said, stepping back, letting go of him.   
"I'm not hungry."   
Actually, he felt sick to the stomach.   
Krad simply ignored him as he continued, "Daisuke is coming home."   
"What?! How… how do you know?"   
"He called last night."   
"You talked to him? On the phone?" Satoshi blurted, confusion pushing the ill feeling away for a moment.   
Krad smirked. "Yes. I believe we can expect him and Dark to be here within the next twenty-four hours." With that he walked away, leaving Satoshi alone.   
The young man sank down the wall, stunned. Part of him cried in joy at the prospect of his lover coming home; another was simply too horrified of what had just happened in the last few minutes to think straight.   
Satoshi had no idea how long he sat there. He knew he was shaking. Lack of food, blood loss, next to no sleep, it all came together. He was dizzy, nauseous and so very, very tired still. He didn't hear anyone approach, but someone suddenly touched him drew him into a warm, strong embrace, and he fell forward. Tears were streaming down his face unchecked and he didn't care.   
Something was placed against his lips and he automatically opened his mouth, feeling a warm, slightly spicy liquid run down his throat. Broth or soup… whatever. It tasted okay and his body actually craved the liquid.   
He was lifted. Someone carried him. It was like in a dream and he was floating. Satoshi moaned softly as he was placed onto a mattress, as he was covered by a blanket and someone caressed his face. A voice whispered gently and he curled up, finally slipping into oblivion.   



	4. part 4

Krad looked at the fragile human form, smiling dimly. He still felt those bandaged hands dig into his clothes, holding on as Satoshi cried with exhaustion and horror and desperation. He felt the echoes despite the fact that he wasn't really touching his host's mind. The demon stroked over the light brown hair, smoothing it a little, then carefully checked the bandages. There were a few flecks of blood and he decided to change them.   
It gave him something to do.   
Satoshi moved restlessly, but he didn't wake, and Krad whispered softly, caressing him until the young man quieted down.   
You wouldn't sleep if you knew it was me touching you, he thought sadly. Because I lost you. I never really had you.   
Rising from the bed, he left the bedroom, feeling tired and hurt. Niwa would come home and hopefully heal the damage. He couldn't. He was supposed to protect the host, but all he had done was injure Satoshi more.   
Conflicting emotions rose inside of him and he curled up in a couch chair, staring at the outside world through a window. 

Daisuke arrived in the middle of the night. It was past midnight already, everything was silent, but the lights were on in the Hikari house. Daisuke dropped his bags in the hallway and hurried inside, almost colliding with a tall, unmovable object.   
"Krad?" he exclaimed, staring at the demon.   
"You're finally back," Krad remarked compassionlessly.   
"Satoshi… what…?"   
"He's asleep."   
"So you took over?" Daisuke snapped angrily, too wound up to think straight. Worry had kept him from sleeping on the flight.   
"No. He's in the bedroom."   
_They separated,_ Dark whispered, stunned.   
"You… he…? What?!"   
"Just go to him, Niwa. He needs you."   
Krad moved out of the way, a small smile on his features. Daisuke didn't think. He just ran into the bedroom without a second thought.   


Satoshi lay in the bed they had shared so often before, apparently asleep. Daisuke just stood in the room, staring at his lover and friend, taking in the pale skin, the exhaustion lines, the dark smudges under the eyes. There were tell-tale signs that he hadn't eaten a lot. He looked thinner than usual. And the bandages…   
Both hands were wrapped up and there was a big band-aid on his neck.   
Oh my god, what happened here?   
Dark urged him on, told him to go, and Daisuke did. He shakily sat down on the mattress, touching the pale face.   
Blue eyes opened.   
Opened wide.   
"Dai…?"   
The voice was rough from crying and hoarse. Those eyes looked dull, lifeless, like Satoshi had lost all hope. Daisuke just wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him as fingers dug into his shirt.   
"Satoshi," he said softly, making it a question and a prayer.   
"You're back," Satoshi whispered, voice filled with tears. "You're home, you're home, you're… here…"   
They were streaming down his cheeks unchecked. Daisuke tried not to surrender to his shock. His lover had never lost it like this, so completely, that he had cried.   
What had happened here?!   
For now the question would remain unanswered as he crawled into the bed, holding the man he loved, comforting him. Satoshi just buried into him, weeping, shaking, holding on like a drowning man.   
"I'm back," Daisuke murmured again and again. "It's okay. I'm back." 

The light of the sun was slanting through the window, creating warm patterns on the worn wooden table and the tiled floor. The smell of coffee hung in the air, the windows were partially open and due to the silence, the sound of the ocean was audible even from here. Waves breaking against the cliffs, sea gulls in the sky, riding the winds, and out on the ocean, fishing boats dotted the horizon.   
Despite the homey and relaxing atmosphere, the tension in the kitchen was thick enough to cut with a knife. The night had been bad on Daisuke, holding his lover in his arms, questions whirling around in his mind. Satoshi looked bad. He had eaten little, had forgotten to take care of himself, and everything was so blindingly obvious like years back. Hikari had been a thin boy, pale, with eyes that were too old to be those of a fourteen year-old hidden behind glasses. He was a genius, but he had never been a kid. He had neglected his body to keep Krad at bay, almost to the point of malnourishment, but he had never starved himself to be too weak to fight back.   
All that had changed after the final battle. He had filled out nicely, had grown into a tall young man, had gotten rid of those glasses, and his eyes had finally filled with life and love… Daisuke stopped.   
Don't think about it now.   
Satoshi had slept deeply in his arms and Daisuke had allowed himself to drift off, but he hadn't slept well at all. Dark was resting inside him, not very talkative.   
Daisuke looked at the blond demon. Krad was clad in clothes that belonged to his host. His frame was just about the same size as Satoshi's. The clothes looked strange on him. Jeans, a light gray, long-sleeve sweater, and sneakers. Very strange. The blond hair was still the same style, though, right down to the one, long strand of hair that only a magical being like Dark or Krad could have fall just this way. The same was true about the pony tail.   
But he also noted the fine lines and the paleness of the face, as well as the slightly more than ruffled look. Daisuke was tired, so was Krad, but Daisuke had at least managed to grab a few hours of sleep. He had no idea what Krad had been doing outside Satoshi's body the whole time, except learn how to make coffee and cook soup it seemed.   
_We acquire skills from the host if we want to, _Dark had told him.   
Oh well, that was the least of his problems and mysteries.   
"What happened?" he wanted to know, sipping at his coffee.   
Golden eyes looked at him. "An accident."   
"You said so over the phone. What kind of accident? His hands are cut… and his neck…"   
"He hit the mirror."   
"What? Why?" Daisuke exclaimed.   
There was an ironic smile on the handsome features. "He didn't like what he saw, Niwa, it's that easy."   
Daisuke swallowed, feeling Dark move uneasily inside him. "That accounts for the hands, but his neck…"   
Krad folded his hands, staring at them, then finally the golden eyes faced him steadily. "He looked into the mirror and saw me. He tried to kill me, then himself."   
Daisuke lost all color and felt Dark wrap himself around him like a stabilizing, comforting blanket.   
Oh my god… oh my god!   
Satoshi had only done that once before, when they had been both just back seat watchers of the final battle, when Satoshi had wanted to destroy his body to stop Krad. He had stopped him then.   
_Daisuke! _Dark snapped. _Get a grip! Satoshi needs you!_   
_He tried… why?!_   
_Ask him. Just go to him, ask him… and talk, okay?_   
Daisuke swallowed, looking back at Krad who was watching him dispassionately. Without another word he slipped off the stool and went back into the bedroom.   


Krad watched Niwa go, an expression of sadness on his features. He finally let his head sink onto his arms on the table, hunching over, feeling the exhaustion sweep through him. His energy levels were abysmally low. He was in a powered down mode, without wings or the ability to use magic at all. He was actually quite defenseless, but he didn't care.   
He tried to kill himself.   
That thought was still on his mind.   
Satoshi had done it before, in the last battle he had waged against Dark. He had drawn the blood circle and tried to destroy his body to stop Krad. A last defense. A last attempt to stop it all. But he had never tried to take his life while he had been a host throughout the years.   
The demon's hands clenched into fists.   
His fault.   
I did that.   
And it hurt so much. Things had changed, had started to affect him for no apparent reason, and he was still changing. That change hurt more than anything he had ever gone through.   
Raising pain-filled golden eyes he stared at the door leading deeper into the house, into the bedroom where his host lay.   



	5. part 5

_Just a few points that came up in the reviews:___

_Since hair and eye colors in animes tend to be slightly off the normal color chart, Lara and I decided to 'translate' some colors into the range of what might be more realistic, hence Satoshi has light brown to dark blond hair and Daisuke's red eyes turned brown, as did his red hair. Sorry about any confusion. Dark's hair is black, but the eyes are violet, Krad is blond and has golden eyes, just because we love him the way he looks :)___

_Call it artistic freedom g>___

_Now on to the story._   


Dark had been unable to talk to Krad through their connection and he blamed it on the fact that the other entity was outside Satoshi's body. Then again, he had no idea if it wasn't just Krad ignoring him. Talking to him in person was currently an impossibility since Daisuke spent every waking moment with Satoshi. He had called his parents, informing them of his early return. Of course, questions were asked, but Daisuke had promised to answer all later. Right now he needed to be there for Satoshi, get him to eat properly and rest.   
Dark was along for the ride.   
Kosuke dropped by late in the afternoon anyway and the two talked. Dark held back, just listened, and was relieved about the way Daisuke detailed it all. Niwa Kosuke was the more understanding parent when it came to Krad anyway. Emiko was rather emotional, still seeing the demon and enemy, while Kosuke just looked thoughtful and nodded.   
"Something had to happen," he remarked.   
Daisuke sighed. "Yeah, but I wouldn't have thought it would be this. Dad… I never thought he would…" He broke off, looking helpless.   
His father placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it a little. "I don't think Satoshi tried to kill himself, Dai."   
"No, he tried to kill Krad," was the mumbled reply. "But he and Krad are the same!"   
"Satoshi was under a lot of pressure. He had to find a way out and it seemed the only one to him." Kosuke's eyes were serious. "You know his past better than anyone. You know that the last six years were a never known before freedom for him. To be thrown into that situation again…"   
"And me leaving," Daisuke sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair. "Shit, I should have taken him with me!"   
"He's a grown man."   
The younger Niwa gave him a wry smile. "Yes. Satoshi always was the more mature of us, but he also was the one who had no outlets for his anger, pain and joy before Krad left him. Dad, what can I do?"   
"Be there for him, Daisuke. It's all he needs right now. And remember, he didn't try to end his life, son. He only attacked what he saw as a threat, even if I personally don't believe that Krad is one any more. But Satoshi had him as a partner for all his young life. He knows no different than that."   
Daisuke nodded. "Thanks," he said sincerely.   
Kosuke smiled a little. "You two take it easy, I'll talk to your Mom and Daikii."   
"Thanks."   
"If you need anything, just call."   
"We will."   
_Daisuke…_ Dark begged softly. He had been silent for a while now. _I need to talk to Krad. Please?_   
The young man sighed. _You want some time with him._   
_Yes. You can't ignore what he's done, Dai. He saved Satoshi and he's currently outside his body. You know how bad he looked when we arrived…_   
Another sigh, then Daisuke wordlessly surrendered control to his partner.   
Dark wondered if he could do the same trick as Krad, separate from his host, and the question was echoed by Daisuke. They would have to try this out later. Not now. Now he had some business to take care of. 

He looked like something the cat had dragged in. There was no other description for it, Dark decided. Pale, haggard, barely able to stand upright and still so determined not to show the weakness his body was experiencing. Without the wings, Krad already appeared more slender. Now he was downright thin.   
He won't make it much longer Dark murmured. I don't know if he can still return to Satoshi if he actually loses consciousness   
So what now?   
We talk   
Dark stepped closer and noticed how Krad seemed to try and move away without physically doing so.   
"You have to return," he simply said.   
"No, I don't."   
"There's no sense in what you do, Krad. The longer you keep away from Satoshi, the weaker you'll get."   
The other hung his head, laughing humorlessly. Blond strands fell listlessly over his eyes. "It's better this way. My death will free him."   
"It will kill all of us. You, me… our hosts."   
"No. It won't. Your balance won't be upset. Niwa is strong. Hikari… he'll be better off without this curse. He didn't make the right decision in the Wheel, so I'm correcting that mistake."   
Dark tilted his head. "When did you learn to be humane?" he asked mockingly.   
_Dark!_   
Another mirthless smile. "It must be your defects… Dark Mousy. We were fused together inside the Black Wings and the entity separated us once more… it must have made a few mistakes." Krad looked into the cloudless sky.   
"Yeah, well, maybe. Not that I can find them in me. You on the other hand…"   
_What are you trying to do? Get him mad? _Daisuke demanded.   
_Yep_   
_What?!_   
_Just wait and see_   
Golden eyes narrowed dangerously, but Krad didn't fall for the bait – just yet.   
"So maybe we have parts of each other now with us," Dark continued. "Maybe compassion is a foreign word for you, as is love. But you got it, Krad. You feel it and it confuses you. And self-sacrifice was never your style either."   
The glare intensified. "We can't die," the demon growled.   
"Maybe not, but you've learned something. You care for your host."   
There was a moment of silence, then, "Care? I don't even know what that means, Dark. I only know Hikari is mine. He belongs to me."   
The kaitou came even closer, now right next to his other half. "Maybe you just found out the difference between possession and love."   
Another silence.   
"He fears me," Krad murmured.   
"Yes."   
"He hates me. He's terrified. Still, he saved me inside the Wheel. Why are humans so contradictory?"   
Dark was silent, just meeting the confused and turmoiled eyes. "I don't know and I've had just as many hosts as you, I suppose."   
"It's a vicious cycle what we have," the demon went on. "No one can break it."   
"No," he agreed. "Not even you. Your death will just end it all… for everyone involved."   
"I can't be anyone but me," Krad snarled softly. "I can't be you! I can't but hurt him with my very presence!"   
"No one asks you to be me. Anyway," Dark gave him a cocky grin, "one of me is enough, don't you think?"   
It got him another narrow-eyed look.   
"We're the same, Krad," he went on. "We come from the same place, were born from the same source. I'm no saint, you're no sinner. I'm not the ultimate good, neither are you the ultimate evil."   
Krad didn't look at him, but there was a self-loathing smile. "Really? What else have I done but try to kill your host, destroy you, and take over Hikari?"   
"You've protected Satoshi against that monster inside the Wheel. You stopped him from harming himself just now," Dark stated easily.   
Krad was about to reply something when he doubled over and grabbed at his chest, fingers fisting into the fabric of his shirt. Dark quickly caught him, feeling the very solid form of the demon collapse against him. Tremors raced through the slender man and he moaned softly.   
_He's fading!_ Dark cried in horror, reaching out for the connection that was silent and horribly empty.   
Daisuke swirled around him, lending him energy.   
Dark sank to the ground, Krad in his hold, and carefully transferred a small amount of his energy into his other half. The tremors quieted down and Krad blinked at him.   
"Why?" he wanted to know, breathless. "Why do you do this?"   
"Because you're needed. Go to him," he answered calmly.   
"No…"   
"Do you want to protect him or kill him?" Dark asked harshly. "I know you, Krad! Your own survival was always the most prominent thought on your mind! You want to live and you need him!"   
"He doesn't need me."   
"He does. Like I need Daisuke, like he needed me. You and Satoshi are different, but you need this balance!"   
"I am his worst nightmare!" Krad whispered harshly, pushing away and coming to stand on shaky legs.   
He swayed and caught himself against the balcony railing.   
"Why do you care what he thinks about you?" Dark challenged. "Why do you feel unwell with his hatred? It never bothered you before!"   
_Dark! _Daisuke cried, shocked.   
Krad stared at him, visibly just as shocked as the emotions Daisuke radiated. Then his eyes tightened.   
"You don't want that hatred now, do you? Because you care. You realize what co-existence means! You'll kill him for sure if you don't return. Apart, we're unable to survive. They are us, Krad. They are life and existence and warmth and everything we can never have on our own! Our powers will wane until we're nothing any more, but even this nothingness will pull our hosts with us!" Dark's eyes glowed angrily. "You know that, Krad! We are one! You and me, me and Daisuke, you and Satoshi…"   
Krad was shaking again, but Dark doubted it was from weakness. "Hikari and I can never be that. Our hatred… is impossible to overcome."   
"So you'll let him die just like that?"   
"I have no feelings for this human shell!"   
Another cramp made him gasp, his back arching, and Dark felt fingers dig into his arms as Krad rode out the vicious pain. Panting, the demon tried to control himself, but soft sounds of pain escaped.   
"The longer you let this go on, the worse it'll get," Dark said softly. "Without them, we're nothing. We do not exist, we cannot love, hate or feel emotions of any variation. We depend on them and they evolve with us."   
Krad screwed his eyes shut. "You cannot evolve from nightmares," he whispered harshly.   
"Maybe not, but you can make the nightmare go away, Krad."   
"He did. He tried to kill me… and himself."   
"And you stopped him. You care for him. You really do."   
The tremors increased. "I don't know what it means," Krad murmured brokenly. "I just… don't know."   
"Then maybe you should learn together," Dark whispered softly, his mouth right next to the demon's ear. "You need each other. You worry for him, you love him."   
Krad shivered a little, still clinging to him for support.   
"Come," Dark coaxed gently. "Let's go."   
There was little resistance and both made it into the bedroom where Satoshi lay, sleeping.   
The actual merge was quite unspectacular, just like the first time. Dark watched it with a sad but contemplative expression in his eyes, then handed over control to his host. Daisuke climbed into the bed, close to Satoshi who immediately rolled into his embrace while still asleep.   
  



	6. part 6

It took Daisuke three days to get Satoshi back up on his feet and coherent. After Krad had merged with his host, recuperation was faster, though Daisuke doubted the demon had any healing powers.   
_The soul has,_ Dark murmured.   
Well, yeah, maybe. He pushed that thought away.   
In the days Daisuke was home now, he had spent a lot of time talking to his parents, either over the phone or personally. It had helped dealing with the horror. He had also called his professor in Prague, had given him an update about his 'family emergency' without going into details, and he was glad that Yamamato understood. He would get another chance.   
Sitting together, Satoshi curled up against him, the TV running some nonsense program, Daisuke looked at his lover. Color had returned to Satoshi's pale cheeks and the dark bruises under the eyes had disappeared. He slept well, ate better, and the cuts were healing. His hands were no longer completely bandaged. Krad's first aid had been good.   
_Of course it would be,_ Dark muttered. _He knows what he's doing_   
_You know, you keep defending him any more and I'll start thinking you two really get along now, _Daisuke teased a little.   
_Actually, we do._   
He sent a chuckle, hearing Dark echo it.   
The program ended and Daisuke leaned down, nuzzling Satoshi a little, planting a kiss on the familiar lips. Satoshi answered it softly.   
"Sato?" Daisuke murmured, caressing the face.   
"Hm?"   
"Can I ask you?"   
Hikari hesitated a moment, clearly aware what this was about.   
"Will you answer?" Dai added hopefully.   
He hadn't touched the why and what for at all. He had kept back, wanting his lover to heal, but there was this burning need to know. Finally Satoshi inhaled shakily, detaching himself from the warmth of the body next to him.   
"Why did you do it?" Daisuke asked, taking it as a cue.   
"It was my only way out, Daisuke."   
"Why didn't you call me? I was just a phone call away!"   
Satoshi didn't look at him, just smiled humorlessly. "What should I have said? Hello, I'm lonely, please come home? If I can't make it two months without you…."   
"How do you think it feels to call and get Krad on the phone? These were special circumstances, Sato!" Daisuke cried.   
"Dai… this was your chance…"   
"And you're my life! I love you! I want to be there for you when you hurt!"   
Satoshi lowered his eyes. "I saw no way out," he murmured again.   
"Life is precious. Don't throw it away! I told you so before… remember?" Daisuke's fingers curled lightly around his wrist, brushing over the edge of the bandages.   
"Yes, I do…"   
"Back then I understood your desperation to end it all, but not this time! Satoshi… You can't want yourself to die," he repeated the words spoken so long ago.   
Satoshi's head snapped up, some life returning the blue eyes. "I didn't want to end it, Dai. I'm not suicidal."   
"Then why? Why try to cut your neck?"   
Satoshi contemplated the blanket. "Short-circuit," he murmured. "I didn't want to end my life, just… erase the problem."   
'You can't understand what it's like to bear the Hikari's fate.'   
Daisuke recalled those words clearly.   
No, he had had no idea. Daisuke had had a loving family, a mother, father and grandfather. Slightly weird, but his family. He had had support. He had had friends. Satoshi had been alone all his life, had been prepared for his destiny in a way that was so cold and ruthless as the creature that had resided inside him.   
Daisuke would never be able to understand, but he had tried. He had wanted to understand, to be there for Satoshi, and they had talked, but he would never have believed his lover capable of this…   
"Krad," Daisuke said tonelessly.   
Satoshi nodded.   
"You can't erase him, Sato."   
"I know," came the soft reply.   
"He saved you."   
Satoshi shot him a dark look. "Of course, because he doesn't want to lose his body."   
"Sato… he asked me to come home. He took care of you. He could have just used your state of mind to push you away, to take over, but he didn't. He separated and he stayed away for you to heal!"   
Satoshi stared at the blanket again. "He probably has his reasons."   
"Yes, he cares about you. In his way, he does. He didn't harm you, let alone neglect you. He stayed away until it was almost too late."   
Daisuke touched his face and made him look at him.   
"Sato, please. Just… look at him. Look at him now. He's no threat. He nearly passed out on us."   
Satoshi grimaced. "Dai…"   
"Please, do it for me?"   
He squirmed.   
"Sato…"   
"Okay, okay."   
And Satoshi hesitantly turned inward, looking for his demon. Krad was curled up in the back of his mind, far away, unresponsive, and completely without shields. In the vast nothingness, the whiteness, he seemed lost and alone. Not really awake, not really asleep. Krad had never slept to Satoshi's knowledge. He had always been there, in his mind, his thoughts, his dreams.   
He studied the figure, so slender and small, no wings – none of the cool elegance of before. Still beautiful like an angel, though. Satoshi stopped that thought. Krad was no angel. He was a demon.   
His demon.   
But suddenly the threat factor was down several notches. He recalled gentle touches, caresses, a warm, solid body cradling him close. A soft voice speaking to him.   
Loving…   
He moved away again and blinked a little as he returned to the real world. Daisuke was watching him, smiling tentatively.   
"Well?" his lover asked. "You think you can give him a chance?"   
Satoshi exhaled softly. "I don't know, Dai. It remains to be seen. 

Daisuke had planned on setting the mood, maybe a nice dinner, candle-light… though Satoshi would probably kill him for overdoing the romance stuff… and nice music. He would have ordered the food since his cooking was way below the level of Satoshi's. His lover had fended for himself as a kid already and he knew how to cook. It tasted excellent. Daisuke was more of a microwave person. As long as the oven did the cooking for him, he was fine.   
But those plans, while still in the back of his head, were scrapped when he looked at Satoshi, lying on the balcony, soaking up the sun. He was still wearing a short-sleeve shirt, open, revealing his toned chest, and shorts. Daisuke froze for a moment, want and need rising inside him like a tidal wave.   
Dark moved in the back of his mind, but he ignored him as he stepped out onto the balcony, heading for the enticing sight on display. Daisuke straddled his lover in one smooth move, plucked the book out of his hands and leaned down for a kiss. Satoshi made a noise of surprise, answering the insistent tongue, wrapping his arms around Daisuke in return.   
They kissed lazily but with ever-growing urgency. Daisuke let himself taste all of his lover as if it was their first time again, exploring his neck and face and throat, tugging gently at the left ear with his teeth, feeling Satoshi squirm under him as he suckled at the spot just below it. His path took him to the left nipple, experimentally licking at the small nub, which responded eagerly. Satoshi groaned a little, then more as he scraped teeth gently over the sensitive spot.   
"Dai..." he moaned.   
"Yes, love?"   
"Inside…"   
"There's no one here to watch us," Daisuke told him.   
"I still… prefer… a bed…!"   
Daisuke grinned. He slowly, oh so slowly, slid down his lover's tall form, watching the other's eyes widen and his lips open in a barely audible gasp.   
"Come," he whispered, holding out a hand.   
Satoshi let himself be pulled up, right into the warm circle of Daisuke's arms, to be welcomed by a hungry kiss that relayed everything. 

Satoshi's breathing was loud in his ear, brushing over his skin. There were faint tremors racing through the body in his arms and when they grew, Daisuke pushed himself up. Strong arms curled immediately around him and kept him from going too far.   
"Sato?" he murmured, confusion and worry growing.   
Tears were brimming in the blue eyes and fell silently. There were so many emotions in those expressive eyes, none of them anywhere negative. Daisuke smiled tenderly and kissed the tears, trailing them down to the corner of Satoshi's mouth, then covering his lips.   
Satoshi sobbed softly as they kissed, then clung to his lover, shaken by the intensity of their love-making, of all the emotions from the last few days.   
"I love you," Daisuke whispered. "I love you, Hikari Satoshi. Very much."   
Satoshi just buried his head against one bare shoulder, crying silently, riding out the flood of feelings until it was all dried up.   



	7. part 7

Dark leaned back and enjoyed the rush of emotions released through the physical interaction of the two lovers. He grinned at the whirlpool of lust and need and want. Daisuke had been a hormonally challenged teenager when they had first met, had had trouble keeping his love genes under control, but now he had grown into a very much sexually active young man.   
As had Satoshi, lo and behold. He wouldn't have thought that the creepy kid would become such a fine specimen of a man and a lover to his host.   
Dark 'watched' them from a distance, not really that much of a peeping tom as Daisuke had always claimed he was. He just enjoyed the flood and its echoes, but he didn't peek. He wasn't a voyeur, he respected Daisuke's privacy.   
Feeling pretty good, bathing in the positive emotions, Dark found himself in the realm he meanwhile recognized quite easily as the space he somehow shared with Krad, the space where he could meet his alter ego and talk to the demon. Lately there had been hardly any contact. Krad was alive, he had recovered, but he refused to talk to Dark. Well, maybe now he would. Somehow it was easier to reach Krad in the afterglow of their hosts' passionate encounters. Dark was still baffled by the way Krad reacted to the love his host Satoshi emitted – and received. The emotions, the sensations seemed to overwhelm the demon sometimes, and then he would simply retreat into himself and not talk to Dark in any way.   
This time Krad was nowhere to be seen and Dark felt himself getting worried about his other half. They had reached an understanding throughout the time Daisuke and Satoshi had invited them back into their bodies and their lives, Krad being the other half of Dark and vice versa. Dark had started to think of Krad as a friend – an aggravating friend, but nevertheless. Dai's and Sato's lovemaking had been intense this time, bringing tears of unrestrained emotions into the young man's eyes as Satoshi had clung to Daisuke afterwards, as if a dam had been broken.   
If that was how Satoshi reacted…? And Krad had been too quiet and withdrawn lately.   
"Krad?"   
No reply.   
Damn.   
"Krad?!"   
A muffled, sobbing sound answered his call this time, and finally Dark was able to make out the demon's form. There, huddled in a far away corner, sat Krad, his white wings, wrapped around himself, forming a protective barrier.   
Which was shaking every now and then.   
"Krad?" Dark asked, stunned to see the other demon in a state like this.   
"Leave me alone."   
"Krad…" Dark stepped closer, reaching out but hesitated.   
He couldn't remember a moment he had actively touched the other, had only fought with him.   
"Go… please… " The last was almost inaudible, suppressed by a hitch and another sob, and Dark's eyes widened. Krad was indeed crying – like Satoshi had.   
"…Krad…" Dark whispered, remembering how Daisuke had held his partner, giving comfort silently.   
He crouched down beside the huddled form, noticing how Krad desperately tried to suppress his sobs – with not much success, too. Dark carefully wormed a hand under the wings, pushing them aside. Krad had his knees pulled up to his chest, his face buried into his arms which were tightly wrapped around himself, panting hard in the effort to regain control.   
"Krad … "   
Damn... Dark thought. What happened?   
Warmth lapped at his senses, sent out by his host, and a similar echo had to come in through Satoshi. Krad paled even more, moaning in denial, and he curled up as if in pain.   
"Stop it," he begged.   
It couldn't be hurting him! Those were positive emotions and while Krad had been ignorant of their meaning at first, he should enjoy his host's pleasure just the same.   
"Krad..."   
The demon turned pleading eyes to him. "I can't... it hurts..."   
"But... love can't hurt..."   
Krad gave a distressed sob. "Always hurt... I couldn't get close. They punished closeness. Why does he...?"   
The kaitou was speechless. Krad was breaking apart, had started to break ever since returning to Satoshi's body, and it was getting worse. Satoshi's withdrawal, his refusal to accept Krad as part of him, had been part of that, too.   
Dark felt old memories rise, tease him with their knowledge, and he reached out, touching the fragments. He stiffened as images of what he already knew joined the knowledge.   
"Oh, Krad..." he murmured.   
And Dark did the only thing he could think of right now, the one thing he had seen Daisuke do – he pulled the other man close, feeling the lithe body stiffen in his arms, but when a new wave of love and affection touched the two entities, he groaned softly and collapsed.   
The same dam broke in Krad as he had seen break in Sato. Arms came around Dark's waist as his other half allowed himself to let go, burying his face in Dark's shoulder. Dark held the shaking body close, felt the hot tears, the way Krad was grasping his shirt almost desperately, and he murmured soothing words, running his hands over the trembling back as all the despair and anger and finally hatred born out of rejection and abhorrence and abuse of Krad slowly dissolved, until the body in his arms slowly grew limp.   
Dark closed his own eyes, as some tears escaped him as well and shifted into a more comfortable position. He opened his mind instead, accepted the memories that were part of him as well. He was Krad's other half, was part of him, and he would share this with him. It was painful to see it all, be unable to help, and it was even more painful to understand the consequences. Hatred toward the Hikari rose, but it was quickly squelched. They hadn't understood. No one had, except for the first host.   
Close to three hundred years and I don't know you at all, he mused as he held the white-clad figure in his arms, feeling the tremors course through the slender form.   
Krad clung to him like a child, no longer caring that it was his former enemy he was showing this weakness to. Not that Dark cared. He had learned a lot about the other ever since they had come to be together again, and now that he was back with Daisuke. Knowing about the abuse was one thing, but actually living through the memories, seeing and feeling it in a detached sort of way...   
He stroked tenderly over the blond head, felt the silent tears that ran down the handsome face while Krad refused to make a sound. His hands were clawed into the kaitou's clothing and Dark had folded his wings over the miserable, suffering man. Now and then he made little noises of comfort.   
Never in his wildest dreams had he ever believed that this was the reason for Krad's behavior, his hatred, his actions... Then Krad had told him about the past, and it had been like a slap into the face.   
After a while Krad quieted down, sniffling a little, but he didn't let go of his security. Dark was content to hold him, feel him relax, and he didn't stop his caresses. Not even when it was clear that the demon had slipped off into sleep. 

It was the realm between two minds, both sentient and aware. They had once been one in a way, brought to life inside a work of art created by an aspiring artist. Born from love and energy of the soul that had poured so much into its creation, as well as from the life and love of others, it had become more than just a piece of dead stone, glass and metal. It had come to be the haven of two sentient forms that been violently separated three hundred years ago.   
Now they were together again, but not in any form that remotely resembled what had been.   
Dark looked at his counterpart, taking note of the slender form, the way Krad seemed to be much thinner and less powerful than he remembered him from their confrontations. the long, blond hair, bound into a pony tail, lay over his shoulder. The wings were gone; usually they gave both entities a larger size. His normal clothing, the white, flowing cape, had been traded in for a more mundane outfit that enhanced the fragile look.   
Fragile and Krad, he chuckled to himself. Not a combination of words he would have used.   
Krad was sleeping, a restless slumber that spoke of little refreshment. He was lying close to Dark, almost snuggling, and the thief calmly stroked over the long bangs. Here they were, mortal enemies of before. Now the entity that had hated him, despised him and wanted to kill actually sought his presence, needed him so badly it took Dark's breath away. Krad had changed. Their last separation had changed him.   
Memories teased at his waking mind again. Ever since the reunion inside the Black Wings, both entities shared more than a common source of existence. The thing that had torn them apart had each left them with parts of the other. Dark wasn't too bad off, all things considered, but Krad's defenses were slipping and breaking.   
The simple fact that he had told his former enemy everything was a sign for the desperation the demon felt. Krad was yearning for contact but all he could have were the moments with Dark.   
The kaitou sighed.   
Right now it had to be enough. He knew he himself could never be what Krad needed, but he would try to be there for him as long as the demon needed him.   
_Dark?_   
Daisuke's voice sounded mildly shocked, mixed with quizzical and confused. Of course his partner knew about he connection. They had talked about it in the beginning. What shocked him was the way Dark was comforting his former enemy, how deep the bond truly went by now.   
_It's okay,_ he murmured, turning slightly toward Daisuke.   
_What... what happened? I mean, how...?_   
He smiled sadly.   
_He needed me_   
Daisuke was silent, then collected himself, looking at the two entwined entities. _What happened?_ he asked again, calmer now.   
_Nightmares. From a long time ago._ He sighed. _Long story. Give me time here, Dai, okay?_   
Dark rested his head on the blond hair, felt the demon in his arms shift a little, but Krad didn't wake. Exhaustion had taken its toll. He was close to the end of his emotional rope, actually too close, and Satoshi's denial and refusal to let him close only ate away more at the fragile psyche.   
_Okay... Dark?_   
_Hm?_   
Daisuke just smiled and hugged him briefly, then turned his attention back to the outside world and his lover. Dark chuckled.   



	8. part 8

Krad woke to the warm, comfortable sensation of someone close to him. Physically close, holding him, embracing him. Golden eyes blinked open and he was greeted by darkness. Not the darkness of night, the absence of light, but dark clothing and black wings that had folded over him like a blanket.   
Dark?!   
Panic surged through his mind.   
No...   
No!   
Memories came back and he gasped, embarrassment, anger and denial warring for dominance. He had lost it. Completely. In front of Dark. He had... he had broken down.   
Dimly he remembered someone catching him, holding him, soothing his frazzled nerves. He remembered clinging to that support, holding on and needing it.   
Dark...?   
Krad pushed away, out of the circle of strong arms, but he wasn't easily released. Fingers curled around one wrist and his head came up, eyes wild, frantic, meeting the calm, violet gaze of his counterpart.   
"Don't," Dark only said.   
Krad inhaled sharply, his emotions a mess, his shields non-existent. He looked around, trying to find out where he was, and found he was in the only place he and Dark could meet without taking over the host body.   
The fingers around his wrist squeezed a little, then he was pulled to his other half. A hand cupped his face, holding him in place.   
"Don't run."   
He swallowed, tearing his eyes away.   
"Don't," Dark insisted.   
"Please let me go," he whispered.   
"Where would you go to?" Dark asked, ignoring the plea. "You're safe here."   
Krad tore free with all his strength and fell back, hunching over, holding the hand that still tingled from the contact.   
"I can't go on like that," he moaned. "I can't."   
Dark reached out and touched him again and Krad closed his eyes, shivering under the gentle contact. It had been so long. So very, very long. He had existed three hundred years without such closeness, such love, and now the dams were breaking. Coming back into this world, joined to his human host again, he was craving it more and more. Things had changed and he needed the closeness, but Satoshi denied it to him. In the past, he had at least had the occasional touch. It had been cruel, cold, ruthless and manipulative, but he had had it.   
Now... his host had tried to kill himself.   
"Krad," Dark murmured. "We can do this."   
"No... I can't. Not any more. It hurts..."   
Dark pulled him in close. "Together," he only said, resting his head against Krad's neck, willing him to relax.   
The demon shuddered, then surrendered.   
_Dark?_   
He felt Daisuke's touch and turned to his host and partner, never letting go of Krad. Yes?   
Daisuke was a quizzical presence in the back of his mind, not close enough to peek, but close enough to feel most of what was coursing through his kaitou partner.   
_What happened to him?_ Daisuke asked again.   
Daisuke had a right to know. At least Dark believed so. They were all connected in a way. Still, it felt like telling a secret he wasn't supposed to reveal.   
_Tell me? Please?_   
He hesitated a little, then decided that the truth was the best option. This would need more than him. It needed Daisuke to convince Satoshi that Krad was no longer the hellish creature he remembered from his childhood.   
_Do you know how we came to be?_ Dark wanted to know.   
Daisuke frowned. _I know a little_   
The kaitou settled back, part of him entwined with his host, another soothingly wrapped around Krad.   
_About three hundred and twenty years ago a young artist by the name of Hikari was born. He had a great talent. His work of art was alive, he gave it soul. He lived for his work, he breathed life into it. Everyone admired his art, everyone wanted to have it. Like a young thief by the name of Niwa. He stole Hikari's art because he had fallen in love with it_   
Daisuke listened, intrigued.   
_But Niwa not only fell in love with the art, he also loved the artist. It was a love that could never be. Both men knew it, but their lives were drawn to each other, their souls calling out, and Hikari, in his love, did the only thing he could think of as an artist – he created a work of art for his lover_   
_The Black Wings?_   
_Yes. It was an expression from deep within his soul, it contained his soul and his love and the love of the thief. They gave it life_   
Daisuke swallowed. _That… thing was created out of love? Uh, no offense, Dark, but.. it's ugly. I wouldn't exactly call it a symbol of love. At least of a sane person_   
Dark smiled sadly. _It was different once. Before the sealing went wrong, before everything deteriorated… it was a beautiful piece of art. It looked like an angel, an image of the thief Hikari loved, with feathered wings. What was left of it were the ruins of a love that had never had a chance. That's what got trapped in the seal. Its life, we, were gone_   
Daisuke was stunned. _I… understand_   
_Well, the sealing went horribly wrong and the life inside was split apart, the soul energy and the love were divided. Krad and I were born. Before that accident, we were aware, Dai, but not sentient in that way. I remember little of the time inside the Black Wings, only that someone was there with me and it was a comfort to feel this other presence_   
Krad shifted a little and Dark smiled tenderly, caressing his other half.   
_It was him. He was aware of me as I was of him. After the separation, we were each alone. I was lucky. I ended up in one of your ancestors, the Niwa thief. Krad was joined with the artist who had created Black Wings_   
_The lovers?_   
_Yes. Niwa accepted me. He was surprised, he was scared, sure, but in the end he saw the potential. We had a fun time, actually. _Dark grinned. _He helped me get over the separation. I had someone else with me and I was accepted_   
_And Krad wasn't?_   
_In the beginning he was. Hikari was surprised and also delighted to carry the soul of his artwork. It was like an enlightenment for him and he cared for Krad. A lot. He actually adored him_   
Dark looked at the blond head resting against him, monitoring the other's sleep. Krad trusted him. It was a desperate trust since Dark was the only one who could give him any sense of security, who could calm the hurting demon, who kept him from total isolation.   
_But the next generation wasn't as happy. They barely tolerated him; it was Hikari's grandson. An artist himself he saw Krad as a hindrance. By the third host, the tolerance had made way for hatred. Krad was a curse. He woke to the fear of his hosts, their contempt, and their attempts to... get rid of him_   
Daisuke's eyes widened in understanding.   
_Problem is, it got worse, _Dark added softly.   
_Worse? How?_   
Another sigh. _The Hikari first tried to exorcise him. It was... agony_   
Dark closed his eyes as those memories came back and Krad moved restlessly. Agony was a too mild word for it. Krad had lived in constant pain, they had tried to slice him apart and remove him in pieces, but he had held on. Actually, he was bound to the Hikari blood line, so he couldn't be removed. They simply tore him to pieces and it took him long to gather his parts. They didn't understand that their fates were entwined until much later.   
_Gods..._   
Dark nodded silently. _As you can see, it didn't work. So they put him into chains. He couldn't take over without the host letting him. Fighting against the chains would burn him down to his soul, but it would never kill him. He would suffer the consequences, recover as much as he could with no energy to feed upon to speed up the healing. We rely a lot on you, Daisuke. For living, for healing, for magic... It also didn't let him sleep between hosts_   
_What?! But... what... how?_   
Dark smiled sadly. _Every fourteen years old Niwa or Hikari inherited us. I stole the Hikari art for your family to seal and I was around until the Niwa I was joined to found his true love. Some sooner, some later. I was one with your family, I lived a comfortable life. I had fun. Krad... had no such purpose, no such cycles, no meaning except to exist as a chained curse, a demon in the eyes of his hosts. He could never sleep. It was like a semi-existence. He felt each year pass and he only came to real life when a fourteen year old son was around_   
_That's horrible!_   
He nodded. _It was pure torture. He was condemned to exist and to watch, and he knew that I wasn't. He couldn't use his hosts, couldn't pull magic from their bodies. They used him in turn as a tool. _Dark tangled his fingers in the blond strands, smiling sadly. _It damaged him_   
He could see the wounds. Now that Krad was without his shield, without his bluster and pretense, he saw it all. Instead of the powerful, hate-filled demon, Krad was a jaded entity that had struggled to survive. Dark rested a hand on a slender shoulder, felt the warmth but also the pain. The chains had left marks so deeply embedded, it would take time to soothe the hurts. The exorcisms had dug into his soul and even though it had been close to two hundred and fifty years, the wounds were barely scabbed.   
_Because they feared him,_ Daisuke murmured, watching Dark and his tender ministrations.   
_Yes. He was damaged almost beyond repair by the time Satoshi was born. He had gone without a host for a lot longer than me. The Hikari had two generations of female offspring. I slept throughout your mother's time, and Krad... well, he just was. Satoshi's stepfather knew of Krad. He couldn't use him because he wasn't a Hikari by blood, but he made a deal. He would give Krad what he wanted if Krad helped him in turn_   
_He traded his son's body,_ Daisuke said levelly.   
_Yes. He removed Krad's chains, gave him freedom, and he handed over Satoshi like a sacrifice. Krad was too weak at first to make his moves, so Satoshi could fight him. Using the Lamenting Rutile his father tried to force the subject, tried to strengthen Krad, but Satoshi proved to be remarkably strong. I think his friendship with you gave him that strength. His wish to protect you_   
Daisuke looked at the figure next to his partner, the jaded, damaged entity that had been part of Dark once. He felt no jealousy at the tenderness and affection the kaitou showed. He understood what it meant.   
_I never knew all this, _Dark murmured. _I found out too late and it hurts, Dai. It hurts so much_   
_It could have been you,_ Daisuke said softly.   
_Yes. I was so damn lucky. So very, very fortunate... to be with you_   
Daisuke hugged him close and Dark took some strength from it.   
_Three hundred years... he suffered so long. He was alone so long. We came to be together in the Black Wings again, he had me again, he had closeness, and now..._   
_He's alone again,_ Daisuke finished.   
Dark was Krad's anchor, his only hold left in this world. The reunion had been brief and a reminder of what had been and what would never be again. The peace he had found had been shattered again, forever removed. While apart, neither had known what they might miss. Now Krad knew it even more so.   
Dark had Daisuke, a warm, living soul. Krad had only the hatred and fear. Satoshi refused contact, refused him...   
_He's alone, _Dark repeated, playing with the long strand of hair that fell over the demon's face. And lost   
_He has you_   
_Through me he knows what could be, Daisuke. He can feel your presence with me and it breaks him_   
Krad murmured softly, moving restlessly.   
"Shhh..." Dark whispered. "You're safe here."   
Daisuke watched, mesmerized. Dark was very gentle, infinitely so. He was radiating warmth and reassurance.   
_I can remember a little of what it was like to have him with me. Because of my hosts, I never missed it much, _ Dark murmured. _He can't survive like this. I'm not enough because my life is bound to yours. I'm yours, Dai, and Krad is Satoshi's other half_   
_And Sato fears him_   
_It'll kill him in the end. He will continue to exist, but the damage together with the refusal will break him apart and shatter him_   
Golden eyes suddenly blinked open and Krad looked up at him, confused. Suddenly he became aware of his position, curled so close to his other half.   
Dark smiled calmly. "Hey."   
The demon pushed away, visibly disturbed by the need he still radiated. He bristled slightly, pulling his shields around him.   
"Don't, Krad," Dark called, catching him. "Don't run. It's not the solution. We're one. I'm here for you."   
Krad stopped, eyes wide. Daisuke, still watching, was stunned by the vulnerability, the sheer longing. He stayed in the back of Dark's perception, silently watching as Dark's wings folded around the blond demon again, protected him, how Krad fell forward and let his former enemy comfort him, and part of him cried in pain.   
This was the demon who had nearly killed him so many times. He had strangled him, had attacked him by magic, had made him bleed, but all of that was pushed away as he looked at Krad, the white clothing in stark contrast with Dark's black ones, seeking comfort from his former enemy.   
_Dark..._   
_Please talk to Satoshi,_ Dark murmured. _Please!_   
_I will. I promise_   
He pulled back, gently, but still the shift made Krad flinch and Dark murmured tenderly. He sent a silent thank you toward his host, then wrapped shield around both of them.   
"Why are you doing this?" Krad whispered after a while, not looking at him.   
"Because I want you to live."   
He smiled humorlessly, darkly. "I won't kill myself, Dark. Don't worry. We can't die."   
"But we can cease to be alive, Krad. You can still be inside your host, but you could lose yourself. I don't want that to happen."   
Golden eyes turned to look at him with astonishment. Dark cupped his face and stroked over the smooth, unblemished skin.   
"I want you to live, Krad."   
The demon inhaled shakily. "Well, you're alone there."   
"No." He grinned a little, not letting the other retreat, continuing the caress. "Definitely not."   
Krad let his eyes wander over to where his own host resided and he looked reluctant.   
"You don't have to go. You can stay here with me."   
"Niwa..."   
"Understands. You can always come to me. Whenever you need to."   
"Thank you," was the sincere reply.   
Dark smiled, happy.   



	9. part 9

Satoshi hadn't been aware of Krad's absence until the moment Daisuke had asked him about the demon. He hadn't really missed the solid presence in his mind, though part of him had wondered where he was. Not feeling Krad was as disturbing as being aware of him.   
So Satoshi had reluctantly looked inward, searching for his alter ego. They hadn't talked, they hadn't so much as looked at each other. Krad had existed in the back of his mind, a shadow, and Satoshi had fortified his mind should an attack happen one day.   
It had never come.   
Now he stared at the wavering spark, noticed the gray edges to the formerly so brilliant amber light. Krad didn't move, didn't even flinch, was almost apathic.   
Satoshi came closer.   
Wary, careful, he came closer.   
It could be a trap to lure him closer, to strike.   
Nothing happened.   
From one second to the next he stood in a mind-place he hadn't been in before. It was like looking through a screen, seeing something he couldn't enter. In front of him knelt two people, one of them his demon, the other Dark. Dark had had wrapped himself around the other, protective, soothing... comforting. Black wings enfolded the white form, almost completely covering him, and there were only a few stray blond strands visible, along with a pale hand clutching the kaitou's black clothing.   
Satoshi felt a flash of... jealousy? It was squelched quickly. Why should he be jealous? Krad was his nightmare, his curse...   
But he also felt pain. He had been used and abused, he had been suppressed and twice they had tried to exorcise him. Satoshi had had no idea... he had never thought of Krad as more than an evil spirit, a malevolent, homicidal maniac... without feelings, without a heart...   
Violet eyes suddenly looked up and Satoshi found himself fixed by Dark's gaze. Warmth emaneted from the kaitou. Warmth and comfort and security. His hands were stroking over Krad in a calming pattern, never faltering.   
"Do you want to know?" Dark asked.   
Satoshi nodded despite a part of himself screaming that he didn't. "Yes."   


_White._   
_He was floating in a world that was utterly, entirely white. He reached out like he had used to do in the past, reached out for the other presence that had been with him since he was able to think, the other presence that completed him, made him who he was, the other presence that used to resonate deep within him as he used to echo in it._   
_He felt only white._   
_There was no welcome resonance, no reply, no reaction._   
_Only white._   
_And then he remembered._   
_Remembered the sudden impact of another one, of something new and unknown, touching them – and the unexpected pain of something slicing into him, snatching him, tearing him apart, desperate struggle, agony, reaching out for his other half only to find it being wrenched away, leaving him alone._   
_Alone … ?_   
_Disorientation and dizziness set in and he crumbled into himself, reaching out with all he had in one final effort to find … what?_   
_Something blinked._   
_He latched onto the little spark he had found, tried to wrap himself around the warm yet unknown presence, only to be warded off as it shied away in shock._   
_'Who are you?'_   
_The question sang in his mind and he realized the living spark he had sensed earlier had returned, approaching him carefully, warily._   
_'Who are you?'_   
_I don't know …_   
_'Where are you?'_   
_ … I don't know …_   
_'What are you?'_   
_…I don't know! …_   
_He felt like crying when it occurred to him that he had no idea, who he was or even what he was, where he had come from and … where was his missing piece? Why was he here in the first place? He folded his long white wings around himself_   
_-- 'white wings??'_   
_and curled up, a small lost noise escaping him._   
_Warmth wrapped around him, astonishment, curiosity and care flooded him, and he flinched only to be held closer._   
_'You are Krad … '_   
_Krad?_   
_'My soul … the part I put into the Black Wings. You are alive.'_   
_Am I?_   
_'Yes, you are'_   
_Slowly Krad unfolded his wings, allowed himself to be surrounded by the sparkle he had found, allowed himself to be held, and clung to the soothing presence in return._   
_Who are you?_   
_'Hiwatari Satoshi. I'm your … host.'_   
_Host … ?_   
_'Looks like it. '_   
_Where am I? What is this place?_   
_'Let's find out together, huh?'___

__

_The first time Krad looked into the world he didn't even a remote idea of what was waiting for him. Satoshi let him look through his eyes, let him hear through his ears, experience all the small things his world had to offer, like feeling the warm summer rain on his face, or see the sun set into the ocean. Krad felt as if he was stumbling from one miracle into another, and he watched it with increasing interest and hunger. And one night when his host was asleep his curiosity got the better of him. He had seen a wonderful thing today – a blooming garden – and Satoshi had told him about the stars. Krad longed to see those stars, wanted to know if it would be anything like the jasmine blossoms Satoshi had given him to smell. His host was an artist and had described the world to him, but he wanted to see it on his own. He wanted out. Badly. So he carefully pushed himself to the forefront and, noticing no resistance, a little further._   
_Golden eyes opened and blinked in the semi-darkness of the room he found himself in. Lifting his hands – since when did he have hands? – he noticed the long fingers, the slender wrist and the smooth skin that definitely didn't belong to his host. Testing the movements he balled them into fists, feeling the way the skin stretched or the nails scraped over the palms. He could feel it. Inhaling deeply he realized there was even more – a faint scent he came to recognize as paint, a little dusty smell of stone and tools. Feathers rustled as he turned and his wings pushed against a statuette, almost knocking it off its pedestal._   
_Wings?_   
_He remembered having wings._   
_Carefully moving around the room he slowly slid open the door to the garden, gazing out into the night. Lifting his head toward the sky he stood stunned. It was dark outside, yes, but there were millions of sparkles glittering on the velvety blue like little diamonds, forming a band that wove over the sky. Stars. These were the stars Satoshi had told him about – and gods, they were beautiful. Stepping into the garden Krad felt a cool breeze on his face, ruffling his feathers and lifting his wings gently._   
_Spreading them he felt the tugging of the wind increase, as did his longing. A shadow rushed over him, and looking up he saw what appeared to be a large dark bird, an equally winged being, against the starlit sky._   
_Dark … It called to him._   
_He spread his wings again and leapt, riding on the wind that took hold of him, lifting him higher and higher into the night. Joy exploded in his chest and he folded his wings a little, experimenting with the breeze, the ups and downs, gliding or flapping, increasing or decreasing speed and altitude._   
_'Krad? What are you doing?'_   
_Satoshi had woken inside of him, he could feel the presence of his host stir against his own consciousness._   
_I'm flying…_   
_"I'm flying!"_   
_Krad laughed with the sheer joy of just being alive. As did Satoshi.___

__

_'Krad … '_   
_The little blue spark that was Satoshi called out for him, flickering as Krad wrapped his being around it, holding it in the safety of his wings, trying to protect it against whatever was trying to get to his host, whatever was trying to do him harm._   
_Satoshi?_   
_'Krad … '_   
_The flicker increased as the brightness of the little spark lessened. Satoshi was fighting to breathe, he could hear the effort he was putting into sucking in small amounts of air into his lungs as his heart stumbled._   
_Satoshi? What's wrong?_   
_'Krad … I'm sorry … I lo …'_   
_The flicker diminished and died, leaving his hands empty._   
_Satoshi? Satoshi!!_   
_There was no reply, not even a faint echo. And for the first time in his life Krad was truly alone._   
_He cried.___

__

_Krad had no idea how much time had gone by, for in his white prison there was nothing except for himself. He reached out every now and then, calling, crying, but he didn't receive an answer. He lay curled up into himself and waited._   
_Waited for something he had no idea if it would ever happened._   
_He tried to sleep, closing his eyes against the ever present whiteness, and drifted away, but he wouldn't go to sleep completely._   
_And then, just when he was about to lose all hope, it blinked again. A little blue sparkle, not unlike the one Satoshi had been._   
_This time Krad approached it carefully, despite his own desperation for contact, because he remembered the first reaction Satoshi had shown._   
_The spark shied away nonetheless._   
_Krad left it alone for awhile, just observing it, dearly hoping it wouldn't go away again and he would be able to talk to someone again. The next attempt made the spark, which was his new host he assumed, flinch away violently, and Krad almost cried in disappointment._   
_Please, he pleaded, don't push me away. Tell me who you are. Please?_   
_But he received no answer._   
__ __

_A little later Krad tried again, and this time the spark lashed out, hitting him back painfully._   
_Who are you? Why do you hurt me?_   
_'Demon!'_   
_What's a demon?_   
_'You are! You are a curse, sent to me by the devils. You possess me, and you need to be exorcised. You need to be cut out of my mind like a foreign body needs to be cut out of flesh.'_   
_The sheer hatred in those words made Krad fly back in shock, and he started to tremble, feeling the need to approach again fighting against the fear he was feeling._   
_Need won._   
_…_   
_'Demon! Get out of me!'_   
_I can't. I don't know how. Please, help me. Who are you? Where is Satoshi?_   
_'Do you have a name?'_   
_Satoshi called me Krad._   
_'Then, demon Krad, know that my ancestor Satoshi died thirty years ago as a mad man.'_   
_Krad flinched. Satoshi had died? What did that mean?_   
_'Cease to exist. Thanks to you, demon. But you won't get me. Die!'_   
_And then the pain began._   
_Krad screamed.___

__

_He was lying on the white ground, his vision blurry, and he shook with the aftermaths of whatever had been done to him. His host had not only rejected him, but shoved him away and obviously tried to rip him apart, if the agony he still felt was an indicator. He hurt. Not only his body but his very existence. His wings lay limp and broken against the ground, and white hot spears of pain were still embedded into his body, melting only slowly away. Even if he had had the energy right now to approach his host again he wouldn't dare to._   
_Confusion reigned inside him. He didn't understand what he had done, why he was punished this way._   
_His mind was still that of a child, the world still new to him, and this didn't make any sense to him. So all he could do was watch the spark from afar. Until it died._   
_And Krad was alone again.___

__

_When he felt the flicker of a new existence he didn't approach it at first. Too fresh was the memory of the pain his last host had inflicted on him for doing so. So he watched, longing and needing, but too scared._   
_But contact was inevitable._   
_His host didn't reject him at first and Krad cheered inwardly at the new chance, the new life he had been given. He learned that the man who carried him went by the name of Karu and was an artist, too. Karu wasn't as friendly as Satoshi had been, snapping at him every now and then, but that changed when he took him on their first flight. Karu then asked him if he were a true demon, he should possess magic as well._   
_Krad wasn't able to grasp the concept at first, but Karu let him read some old scrolls and Krad understood that indeed he seemed to be a magical being. Karu was enthusiastic at the possibilities that occurred, and Krad was pleased at that._   
_That was right before the chains came._   
_Out of nowhere, burning with the same intensity he already recognized as the pain that had tortured him once, the blazing silvery chains wrapped themselves around his body, effectively trapping his wings and pinning him to the ground. Krad screamed and fought, but with every move the chains would tighten, the pain would increase._   
_'Stop fighting.'_   
_Why? Karu? Why are you doing this?_   
_'Stop fighting and it will stop hurting.'_   
_Krad stilled, breathing hard, but indeed the pain lessened to a throbbing in the background, and the chains loosened around him, allowing him slight movement._   
_'These chains will hold you, demon. You are not to bother me, until I say so.'_   
_Karu? Krad heard himself whimper._   
_But his host didn't answer. He was released every now and then. He tried to escape, tried to take over, but only once. The chains kept holding him back, and the more he fought the tighter his prison would become, burning his skin, ripping his flesh apart and breaking his delicate wings, until he would stop._   
_And the spark died, leaving him behind._   
_Only this time he was chained._   
_…_   
_'Demon'_   
_…_   
_'Monster'_   
_…_   
_'Useful tool'_   
_…_   
_Krad had given up on counting what he was called by his hosts, some of them were friendlier than others, giving him a little freedom if he was 'playing nice', some of them totally ignoring them until they ceased to exist._   
_Some hated him with a vengeance, but all of them used – and abused – him. He never really stopped fighting, but slowly something inside of him changed._   
_Krad started to loathe._   
_And then he learned about the existence of his missing piece._   
_And he remembered._   
_Dark wings against a nightly sky, calling out to him … wind lifting him up, playing with his hair … the pure joy of being alive … Dark…_   
_And Krad started to hate with a vengeance._   
__


	10. part 10

Satoshi sat on his bed, stunned, tears gathering in his eyes involuntarily. He saw and felt fragments of those memories that washed out of a deep, dark swamp of despair.   
I was his first freedom after centuries of being chained and locked away, he thought. He was going mad with pain and need, the coldness and the loneliness.   
None of his ancestors, except the one who had breathed life into his work, had cared for Krad. They had used him, had abused him, had kept him on a short leash and kicked him whenever the entity had tried to rise.   
Satoshi's stepfather had used that desperation, the hunger for freedom and warmth. He had used him just like all the others.   
'You are my everything.'   
Now he understood those soft, enticing words. Back then, Satoshi had cringed away from the possessive emotions, from the needy grasp the demon had had on his life and the sultry voice. Today, now... he understood.   
He had been Krad's everything. He had been Krad's last chance, his only chance, his ticket out of Hell. He had been the living, breathing soul the demon had missed ever since the first Hikari had died, ever since the vicious cycle had started. Not because he wanted to possess it. He wanted to coexist. He needed the partnership to unfold, to be alive, and he had been given nothing but emptiness.   
'I care for you.'   
In his own sick way he had because he hadn't been able to express it any other way. After such a long time of abuse, his concept of love and affection had been completely warped.   
Krad had been jealous of whatever had been perceived as a rival to Satoshi's affections. Objects or people, it had been the same to him. Daisuke, for instance. Satoshi had wanted to be friends with the other boy, but Krad had whispered into his ear, had told him that there was only one person who truly loved him.   
He had been craving the warmth of another soul and he had wanted it for himself.   
I understand, Satoshi thought, throat tightening. Gods, I do. Now I do...   
He turned to the presence inside him, the presence that had tried to touch him before and which he had pushed back. He was no better than his ancestors... but he hadn't known.   
'I won't let you go.'   
Of course not. Satoshi was Krad's last chance. Dark had lived and had a true life because the Niwas had accepted him. Krad had had nothing but suffering. For close to three hundred years. You're more like a child than a demon, he thought. You were thrown into a world you didn't want to live in. Your first host adored you, nurtured you, and then the hatred started. It's a small wonder you're still as intact as you are. It's more than a miracle that you didn't turn into a complete psycho.   
Satoshi leaned back and gazed at the ceiling. He had no idea how to handle this, how to approach Krad now that he knew the truth. He felt sympathy but the old distrust was hard to dissolve.   
Someone had to make the first step, and it appeared it had to be him. He smiled slightly. Well, maybe jumping over his own shadow could be done.   
So he turned to the presence inside his mind. What he found was actually no surprise, given the things that had happened, the truth that had been unveiled.   
Krad's shields were down and he was completely exposed. One strike from the sharp, agile mind and it would shatter him, tear deep wounds into him.   
"Krad," he murmured.   
There was a little gasp and golden eyes widened in fear. Their roles were reversed, he mused. Years ago he had been cringing away from the cold contact. Now it was Krad.   
"I won't hurt you."   
"Leave me alone!" The voice was shaky, pleading, but some anger flared.   
It was like a last defense.   
"I can't."   
Krad closed his eyes, shivering. "Then do what you want. I don't care anymore. Kill me if you want." He spread his arms wide.   
"No." Satoshi looked calmly at him. "You said you care for me." That brought the demon up sharp. "Do you?"   
Krad nodded. "Yes."   
"More than being your vessel, a potential body?"   
Anger flared once more, briefly lending power to the entity. "You know I don't want this any more!"   
"No, I don't. You only said so. All you told me in the past were lies."   
"I always cared for you, Satoshi."   
"I suppose so. You cared for me because my body was promised to you as a reward by my father. Your aim was to kill me."   
A tremor went through the demon.   
Satoshi studied him, noticing how unraveled he looked, how desperate, and a small part took a sick kind of pleasure from it. A much larger part wanted to reach out and touch the hurting entity, soothe the pain.   
"Is it true? What my family did?" he finally asked.   
Krad's face turned bland, the eyes darkening. "It's gone. The past. Forget it."   
"No, I won't. So it's true?"   
Krad swallowed, turning away, avoiding his gaze.   
"It's true," Satoshi murmured.   
All the memories flooding him had been truly Krad's. All that pain, that loneliness...   
"I understand."   
"No, you don't!" Krad snapped, furious. "No one can! No one! Go back to hating me, Hikari! I don't want your pity! I don't want his either! All of you just... leave!" Satoshi came even closer, studying the slender form. Krad looked like a cornered animal, desperate and without many options left. "Leave..." the demon begged.   
"I won't."   
Wide, golden eyes stared at him and without warning, from one second to the next, Krad struck out. Satoshi was easily able to counter the blow. The demon was too weak, but he still managed to get a decent strike in. Catching the wrist, he held on. A whimper escaped the once so nightmarish creature.   
"No..."   
Flashes of past memories rushed past Satoshi, catching him in a whirlwind of fear and desperation. His family had tortured this being for close to three hundred years. Now Krad was so close to the edge, past and present collided, Satoshi's image overlapping with those of his prior tormentors, as well as the only person who had been kind to him. The artist who had created the Black Wings, the human who had truly loved him.   
"Let go..." Krad begged, breaking apart under the pressure.   
"No. We're one, Krad. I won't let you go."   
The golden eyes shone with agony. "Please..."   
Satoshi wasn't even aware of his actions at first as he pulled the blond into his embrace, felt the very solid form fall against him, and he closed his arms around the demon. The struggle was brief and then he found himself with an armful of Krad, sinking to the ground, cradling the surprisingly solid and heavy form. Satoshi ran a tentative hand over the blond hair, felt the shivers, and for the first time a strange kind of warmth blossomed.   
It felt right. Strange, but right. Was this what Daisuke experienced with Dark? Was this how it should be?   
"I won't hurt you, Krad," he murmured.   
The demon shivered more.   
"I won't."   
It was a promise. He wouldn't fall into the trap of continuing what his ancestors had done. He had to live with the result of their actions, but he would make the best of it.   
"I won't," he repeated.   
Krad pushed back a little, those fascinating, cat-like eyes so open and vulnerable as they looked at him. Satoshi smiled a little, touching the pale face. Krad flinched violently and Satoshi sighed. This would need work. He framed the demon's face and tried to radiate this promise.   
I won't hurt you. I know they did. I won't. You hurt me in the past, but this isn't revenge. You're not malevolent, just... jaded and damaged.   
Krad closed his eyes, unable to meet his gaze. His shoulders fell and he sagged. Satoshi cradled him close, crooning softly, and when tentative arms curled around his waist, Satoshi smiled a little. Memories touched him again, from very long ago. He felt the child-like amazement, the curiosity of a new-born entity inside a human body. He felt the hesitancy of the host, then the acceptance, the sheer joy and later love.   
Satoshi…   
Blue eyes widened. Krad's first host had born his name, he had been Hikari Satoshi, too. A young genius, an artist who had created so much beauty…   
"You loved him," Satoshi whispered, realization finally coming through.   
Krad didn't reply, just lay there, seeking comfort.   
"You loved your host."   
"He was mine," the demon finally whispered, voice distant, full of memories. "My host, my everything…"   
Things became clearer now. Those words…   
Mine… You're my everything…   
Krad had said the same to Satoshi, but at that time their meaning had been warped beyond their original interpretation.   
He stroked over the soft hair, pushing a long strand away from the pale, handsome face.   
"Is that what you meant when you said it to me?"   
Krad inhaled deeply. "I don't know any more."   
"But you know you loved your original host?"   
A nod. "He was truly everything to me."   
Satoshi forced the golden eyes to look at him. "You love me?"   
"I don't know what love is," Krad confessed.   
"Do you feel the same for me that you felt for the other? You claim me as yours, that I'm everything to you…"   
"You are. I feel… something and… I see him."   
Satoshi smiled. "I'm honored."   
Krad stared at him. Hikari pulled the unresisting form into an embrace, felt the weight settle against him.   
Things made sense now. All his life made sense now, as did Krad's declarations of possessiveness. He didn't know what love was, had only these feelings of needing Satoshi, wanting him solely for himself, and he clung to him with a vengeance that had stirred nothing but hatred and fear in the boy he had been before.   
We'll get there. Together, he thought. We'll find a way to sort this out for you and for me.   



	11. part 11

He sat next to the curled up form, one hand resting on Krad's shoulder. The demon seemed more slender than normal, without his impressive wings, the clothes so simple and plain. The golden eyes were closed, the pale face relaxed in sleep, and he was as close to Satoshi as he dared. Hikari stroked over the sleeping form, amazed how good it felt. Krad was a warm weight in his soul, seeking contact, radiating such need, it stunned him. This was so new... so unexpected...   
"Sato?"   
He looked up and blinked a little, detaching himself from the world he shared with Krad to smile at his lover.   
"You okay?" Daisuke asked.   
"Yes. It's... just..."   
"Amazing?"   
He nodded. "And somewhat disturbing. I never thought it could be like this..."   
Daisuke settled down beside him, smiling. "How is he?"   
"Still weak and confused. About his emotions, about me, about everything. I never thought about what his past might have been, Dai. I never believed him to be anything like Dark..." He sighed. "Needs some time getting used to; probably a lot of time."   
Daisuke pulled him close, kissing him, and the other man replied in kind.   
"But we have that time," Niwa murmured when they finally parted.   
Satoshi nodded. Deep inside he wanted this, wanted to get to know Krad, wanted to start again. 

The next few days Satoshi tried to pass off as normally as possible. Krad was in the back of his mind, warmer and more solid than before, but he didn't really touch him unless Satoshi initiated it. Daisuke gave him encouraging smiles, tried to help, but Satoshi knew it was his fight alone. He and Krad had to work this out and it was slowly getting somewhere.   
_--You don't have to stay in the back--_ Satoshi told him as he sat at his laptop, working.   
Krad shifted a little.   
_--It can't be comfortable--_   
Satoshi wondered how Daisuke was doing it. Then again, his lover was used to gentleness, to the other presence in his mind while Satoshi himself had almost always felt oppressed, in pain, or had fought back. There had been few occasions when the gentleness had been true, when the possessiveness had not hurt.   
He stopped his typing, leaned back against the chair and gazed sightlessly at the computer screen. His attention was inward. Finally Satoshi held out one hand in an invitation.   
Krad blinked, wings whispering softly as they twitched. Satoshi remained where he was, blue eyes fixed on golden ones, silent, the wordless gesture saying it all. Krad came slowly closer, like a nervous animal. Satoshi thought he saw the scars of the exorcisms burn brightly on the slender form, the open wounds still existing from the chains that had bound what his ancestors had called a monster. He had believed the same. He had once thought that such a creature should have been killed at birth.   
He had been so wrong.   
Those chains still exist, Satoshi thought. Inside Krad's mind.   
Freedom was a foreign word for him. It had always been conditional. Even when he had been with Satoshi. Satoshi's stepfather had bound him to himself with promises and sweet words.   
Freedom.   
Neither of them would ever be free. They were bound together but it could be a partnership, not slavery.   
_--It can start now--_ he murmured, holding the startled eyes.   
_--Satoshi...?--_   
He grasped one slender wrist and Krad's eyes widened. Wings rustled, opening slightly.   
_--We can try. I'm willing to--_   
The demon inhaled sharply. -_-You... are...?--_   
Satoshi nodded._ --Yes--_   
The wings twitched and he smiled, closing the last distance between them. The last time he had been this close to Krad, he had to still look up into the handsome face with its ethereal eyes. He had seen love there, a love twisted and jaded until no one but Krad could call it that. He had felt the other's touch, the wings curling around his body, wanting him close and yet unable to truly comprehend what that meant.   
-_-Are you?--_ Satoshi asked.   
Another twitch, then Krad's free hand came up and oh so carefully cupped Satoshi's face in a gesture of affection.   
-_-Yes, Satoshi, I am. I care for you--_   
There was nothing malicious in the tone now, no sultry promises, no cold touch, no lies.   
For the first time, Hikari Satoshi believed him.   
-_-Hello-- _he said softly. _--My name is Hikari Satoshi. I'm your host. I'd like to be your partner and your friend--_   
Golden eyes looked at him, warm and accepting. _--Hello, Satoshi. My name is Krad. I'd like to be your partner and friend--_   
Satoshi felt the softness of the feathers underneath his hands as the wings closed around him, encasing him in a gentle embrace. It wasn't confinement, only protection. He breathed deeply, letting himself fall, and he was caught in strong arms and a strange kind of warmth. It wasn't the warmth he felt when he was with his lover. It was different, but not harsh or cold.   
It didn't hurt.   
It was... nice.   
Krad sought the warmth of Satoshi's mind and soul, and Hikari, surprising himself, let him. He recalled seeing Dark, cradling his other half, the need of Krad to be close to a living, breathing soul.   
He was that soul. He alone.   
I won't hurt you, Satoshi thought.   
It was echoed in Krad's emotions and he found himself smiling.   



End file.
